Fearing Change

There has been some drastic changes in my life. But hasn't there always?

Getting a new job and realizing I spend a whole lot of time by myself has led me to a lot of self-reflection. The first half of my year looks like the opposite of the second half, and I must say, I saw a lot more personal growth during the second half than the first. Where I work, I am surrounded by wise individuals who inspire me to become a better person. Part of this change within me is probably due to a class I have taken this semester as well, Communications 210 Honors class. The communication classes focuses on intercultural communication, through it I have learned so much about being tolerant and unbiased to others.

I just spent the evening with one of my closest friends and while catching up, it made me think a lot about the changes we overcome in our lives. My life in particular. After she left my house, I got ready for bed and suddenly I stood there thinking: what would I want to change in my life?

If you catch me in my more optimistic moods, I would tell you straight-up that I do not regret anything that has happened. I would not change the things I could control because it has led me to now. But now I stood for awhile wondering if there was anything I could change, what would it be?

It was this: I should have believed in myself to venture out in high school, not to settle for a community college just because of what I saw as an example. It was fear that made me settle and up to now, I keep wondering what if I had tried more? Maybe I would be in a university in the mainland or a community college in the mainland at the least. I keep wondering where would I be now? Would I still have this thirst for travel? (Most probably!)

It's funny because I talk about being brave and facing fears, but it was this that really steered my life today. But who knows now?

Thinking about this, really realizing it, I just have to write it down. It feels good to write it down and actually face it rather than avoid it. Now that I have gotten that down and out, I can be in peace with the knowledge that I have more control in my life than I realize. Settling for savings has done me some good such as not having to take out student loans and getting to live with my family. When I have second-thoughts, I'm going to think about how many blessings my choice had given me, the experiences that are richer than what money can get. Maybe next time, when I make a choice, I will choose to be brave and not fear change.